Date:	2006-10-12 03:37
Subject:	Been a realllllly long time... so I'll rant
Security:	Public
Mood:	blah
Music:	Tricky Bizzniss

I realized earlier today, while laying in my bed trying to make the world stop spinning around me, that writing in my red leather journal is too time consuming. I can type faster than I write in script, and I can type almost as fast as I think of the words I want to write. So, I decided to head back to my LiveJournal, or LJ. I was turned onto LJ back in college. What else is a college co-ed to do at night when the wind is making the temperature drop below zero so you don't want to go to the bars and there's no more beer or liquor left in your microfridge? Turn to LJ and talk about your day, or rant. I guess Live Journal was one of the first homes for blogging. I'd never heard of "blogging" until the middle of my college career and remember thinking "what kind of dork sits in front of a computer screen and writes about stupid shit?" Then I realized LJ was a blog, and I came to the frightening deduction: I'm a dork! But over the past few years, blogging has gone through many transitions. First seen as something for tech geeks (kind of like the internet at first), now it's become a place for people to share their thoughts with strangers, seek advice, read about celebrities (ala Pink Is The New Blog, Perez Hilton, Jossip), publicize clients, air your sexual trysts with politicians (ala The Washingtonienne), and more. "Community Forums" on websites were a precursor to blogging, where people of a like mind would post replies and have discussions via "Thread Posts." I blogged once or twice on my MySpace page, but I get pissed off getting the email notifications of "New Blog Posted" by other friends, so I don't want to piss people off with the notification from me. Just like inviting me to daily events out in LA or Dallas which I OBVIOUSLY cannot and will not attend pisses me off, so do the blog notifications. And birthdays. If you're important to me, chances are your birthday is already in my Sidekick entry for you, along with your phone number, email address, AIM screenname, postal address, and other superfluous information (anniversaries, children's birthdays, favorite color, affiliations we have in common, etc.) Ergo, I don't need to be reminded of your brithday on MySpace. Also, a lot of people fuck with their birthdate on MySpace. One of my friends, who shall remain nameless, is 29 years old. Her MySpace age varies between 13 (the "legal age" to have a MySpace page) and 100. It changes almost daily. I WISH I looked like her when I'm 100. Actually, I wish I looked like her now - she's beautiful! Not like one of those girls who gets all dolled-up to go out and then when they wash off their makeup and change their clothes it's like the Frog vs. Prince Charming. I've seen her in high school during marching band camp - no makeup, cold showers, crazy heat, and she was always stunning.

Anyway... as if that rant wasn't enough, here's the one I wanted to write about.

As an Upper East Side dweller, I was shocked at the news today about a small private plane crashing into a high-rise apartment building. It was on 72nd between York and East End, closer to York. Exactly 10 blocks south of me. I didn't know anything about it, as I was ill. I received a text from my friend Alex saying "what is all this craziness." I texted back "what are you talking about? I've been sick all day." She wrote back "Turn on the news dude." I see this building on fire, the headline on the screen "Plane crashes into Upper East Side apartment." What the hell? So I turn on NY1 to get the scoop. At the end of the day, what happened was a little 2 or 4 seater plane was on a little sight-seeing and training trip. It left Teterboro airport about 2.20pm, went around the Statue of Liberty, up the East River, then as it went to make a u-turn, something happened with the plane and it crashed into the apartment building. The two people on board were killed instantly. 2 other deaths - people in the apartment, some injuries to people on the street and firefighters. Here's what made some New Yorkers even more upset: The plane belonged to and was being flown by Yankees pitcher Corey Lidle. He was a new pitcher this season. One of my friends works for the Yankees organization, and told me a few weeks ago that Lidle was one of the nicest guys on the team. He was there at Lidle's signing, has spoken with him a few times, met his family. Now, I'm not one to downplay deaths at all. However, what really irks me is that the news channels made it a bigger tragedy because this person happened to play for a professional sports team. What about the other people who died? No mention of them. No statements from their families or friends. But a statement from Jason Giambi and George Steinbrenner made the 6 o'clock news for sure.

I don't want anyone who reads this to think I'm anti-Yankees, don't care about baseball or anything of the like. Truth be told, I don't follow baseball all that much. All I know about baseball is whatever is in the Metro and amNY papers, if I get to the sports section before I have to get off the subway in the morning. Oh, and I dated a "Bleacher Creature" for almost a year, including baseball season. And yes, dating a Yankees Bleacher Creature is just like the relationship Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon had in "Fever Pitch, " except of course that my boyfriend of the time was a Yankees fan, NOT a Red Sox fan. Anyway, my point is this: whether the person was an Everyday Joe or a professional athlete, how news broadcasters portray the tragedy should not matter. But, I am not naive, and realize that while the news is there to suposedly educate, it is also there to entertain. Therefore, the nightly news is "edutainment." What I do NOT agree with, is that Lidle's father found out about his son's untimely death via the nightly news. Yes, the man's FATHER found out via NBC or CBS or FOX or CNN or whatever. And at the time of the accident, Lidle's wife and son were on their way back to California on a plane. That's just wrong. What happened to notifying next of kin? Did Lidle's boss, Mr. Steinbrenner, become his "next of kin" when his wife couldn't be reached initially? What happened to privacy? Ah, I forgot: as a celebrity, when you sign a contract for a sports team, movie, album, television show, etc., the fine print says you sign away any rights to privacy, as well as any First Ammendment rights. (While I don't agree with Mel Gibson's anti-semitic slurs, he has to right to say what he wants.)

Oy. I'm really getting off-topic.

Anyway... It's mid-October. The weather is still bipolar, 80s and humid one day, low 60s and rainy the next. Like being in Syracuse - snow in May, anyone? Followed by a 5-day heat wave of 90+ degrees?

I'm signing off for now.

Best,
RSTAR

Date:	2004-11-13 18:41
Subject:	Been a while....
Security:	Public
Mood:	bouncy
Music:	Animal Crackers In My Soup - Shirley Temple

Yeah, it has been a while. And Klepto threatens me every few months when I don't update my LJ.

So, I've been dating John for a few months now... totally enjoying myself, enjoying him, going out places, etc. Life is pretty good.

Moving to Hoboken. If you haven't been up to date with me, here's a synopsis:
1. Receive a note taped to my apartment door on Oct. 12th from my landlords, stating that they do not want me to have overnight guests, and if I want to have them, I have to first ask their permission on a PER GUEST basis, and then pay an extra $100 a month.
2. Called the broker who found this apartment for me, because I don't speak Italian and my landlords don't seem to understand my English. He tells me he'll call me back.
3. 3 weeks later, I'm still waiting.
4. Get into a confrontational argument with said landlords, during which they say that the last tenant didn't have guests, I reply "i'm not that person", and they hit me by surprise by saying that they want me home by midnight every night, because it's not "right" for a girl my age to be out past then. RIGHT! PSHAH!
5. Get the realtor AND my parents involved, since my lease is in my daddy's name. We have now informed the landlords that we will bring harassment charges against them if they confront me again like that.
6. Come to agreement that I can leave my apartment and break my lease whenever I want to, and not be subjected to pay the remainder of the lease.
7. Send a statement to the landlords to sign and have notarized.
8. Found a cute apartment in Hoboken!
9. Currently packing my shut to move out of here Dec. 11th and move into my new place in Hoboken!

That's it in a nutshell. Let's not even talk about the migraines and stress this has brought me.

Work is good, getting very busy, dealing with that crap. But loving it! As always.

The freelancing is going well too.... I have 6 clients now, very excited, love doing it and bringing in extra cash.

That's all I can think of for now... but I'm going out to a Cheesy Movie, Wine and Cheese party, then out to play darts, so I'll probably have a good story or two! Oh yeah, I bought my darts today! WOOHOO!

Ciao for now,
Robyn x

Date:	2004-08-17 00:10
Subject:	Just another manic Monday
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy
Music:	She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5

Was actually a pretty good day, despite the rain. But let's be real here, I love the rain. Not necessarily when I'm walking through it in a skirt and heels, but I like it still.

Work was work, but I got a lot accomplished, and it was great. The afternoon was somewhat boring, but I was able to catch up with some website stuff.

The best part of my day was IMing with John. Such a sweetie... definitely makes me forget the craziness and stress I sometimes have. He came over after work. His trip back to the Bronx really sucks, but we're dealing with it for now. John is so sweet, funny, smart... and he has passion about a bunch of things. Baseball, art, Wagner operas. It's great. After meeting so many guys who are only into themselves, or only into going out partying (a la college), or trying to get laid, it's refreshing to be with someone who doesn't treat me like a piece of meat, is actually interested in me as a person, and just, someone I can feel so comfortable with. Sigh.

I've realized that I'm finally able to give as much as I want to get out of a relationship. And I just feel so great with John, that I want to give him what I can. It feels really amazing to be at this place right now.


On another front.... Leslie called me with the number for a guy on LI who's looking for a Director of Event Planning and Marketing. WOOHOO! I'm going to call him tomorrow!

Alright, bedtime.... with happy dreams again :-)

My weekend started on Friday night, going to dinner with Blair and Bashir, then Crobar with Bashir. Poor Blair wasn't feeling well, but she's doing much better now.

Saturday Andrew came over, and we went to the Garden State Plaza to Williams-Sonoma, then food shopping, and we did the DaVinci Code game online. It's awesome. If you've read The DaVinci Code by Dan Brown, DEFINITELY play the online game. It's just really freakin' cool.

Later that night, we went to DaVinci's italian restaurant in Hoboken. How appropriate, eh? After amazing dinner of calamari, broccoli rabe with sausage, shrimp fra diavolo, salmon marachiera, amazing bread and Cosmos, we went to Rodeo-Ristra for what else -- an apple martini. Many cute guys, but none of them did it for me -- I've got one who I'm working on, who I like, and is really sweet.

Yes, the rumors are true! I, Robyn, have begun the process of entering into a relationship. I met the guy online, we went out for coffee, and it just blossomed from there. And, he doesn't treat me like a sexual object -- it took us 4 dates to KISS. I'm really happy with where I am right now in my personal life, and things are going well.

I've been thinking about a lot of things lately, including my job, and how I love what I do but not where I work. I'm opening my job search again. That's right folks. Moving on. I'm looking to stay in entertainment/music pr, so if anyone knows anything/anyone, let me know! Thanks!

But what I've mostly been thinking about is my happiness, and that I'm much happier now than I was a few months ago. Back in March, my life was in upheaval, I moved out for the first time, I was scared, lonely, confused, sad, etc. Now, I've kind of gotten into a groove, and I like my life. I don't call my parents' house "my home" anymore. My home is in Jersey (although for car insurance purposes, it's NY). I have friends here, I don't have to rely on other people for me to be happy, I have my own LIFE. I know it sounds trite and cliche, but it's true.

So for all of you out there who are having issues adjusting to your new lives, I leave you with the words of Cat Stevens:
"Just relax, take it easy. You're still young, it's your fault, there's so much you have to go through."

Oh, and the quote of the weekend:
Robyn: So, just get high.
Andrew: (after a few minutes): Do you ever just want to do it?
Robyn: What? Smoke pot?!?
Andrew: No, suck cock.
Robyn: !!!!!!!

I totally don't get guys. They think that just because you're a single woman in the city that you just want sex? No, that's not all I want. I want the whole package. If all I wanted was sex, I could have it. Trust me.

Arrgh.... today was just a pissy pissy day. Alright day at work, until about 3:30 when I had to basically do data entry for the website because the guy in my position before me fucked it up. Months ago he did this, yet just NOW we're learning why the music catalogue wasn't working. God, I hate data entry. Then, I get a letter frommy doctor that she's dropping me as a patient, because I wouldn't let her "medically treat" my diabetes. First off, I don't have diabetes. I had high blood sugar, but it's under control thanks to diet and exercise. Second, I think she's just pissed because I told her she doesn't care enough about her 500000000 patients because she didn't have latex-free gloves in the office and I'm allergic to latex. Third, I wouldn't let her stick me and take my blood like she did TWO MONTHS AGO to test it and say "everything came back fine!" My insurance covers two full blood workups a year, and this isn't one of them. I ain't paying $350 so she can say "yep, everything came back normal." Fuck that.

So, I had a fight with my mother about this, that I should let her take my blood because I could have problems I don't know about. If I have high blood sugar, I feel it. I get tired, I get dizzy, I get loopy. Haven't had that happen in a looooooong time. At least, not from bloodsugar. :-) The tequila maybe, but not the blood sugar.

I want to talk with her and tell her how fucked up she is. But if I call her, I'll end up screaming at her. So I'm going to write her a nice letter tomorrow, mail it certified, and see what kind of response I get. Basically tell her that there was no need for her to medically treat a condition I don't have, and that I feel she wasn't paying attention to my medical needs anyway -- hello, she didn't have non-latex gloves in the office because "they're expensive to keep in stock" yet I was told by the nurses that other patients also have latex allergies.

Arrgh. Okay, I'm done bitching. Busy day at work tomorrow.

Date:	2004-08-08 12:05
Subject:	Livejournal is Therapeutic
Security:	Public
Mood:	flirty
Music:	Turn Me On by Kevin Lyttle

I've been keeping a regular written journal, but it's just too difficult to write as fast as my mind thinks, whereas I can type 70 words per minute. Which is actually kind of sick, if you think about it. I just have fast moving fingers I guess. I'd make a lesbian very happy.

So, I'm now living in Weehawken, NJ. Been here since March 8th. Working as the Marketing Director for Subliminal Records. I love it, I hate it, it's a great relationship. Found out the other day that I'm the 6th person in two years in this position, and that no one's lasted longer than 7 months or so. After last week, I can see why. Let me just say this: if you question my integrity and make me take the fall for you, it's over. Yes, I harbor bitter feelings about what happened a few weeks ago with me being made to take the fall for something I did NOT do. But it's possibly going to happen again, and I'm not going to do it.

Anyway, on the non work front, things are cool. I went out Friday night to Quo with Blair, and her friends Joanne and Bashir. Bashir is this beautiful black man. Gorgeous eyes. We got to the door, and the doorman greeted me by name, and asked if anyone else was coming with my group. There were, so all they had to do was say they were with me. We got in free, then went to the bar. I bought first round of shots of Patron, and Bashir and Joanne did simultaneous body shots off me. Wow, talk about highly erotic. I looked up at the DJ booth, and it was one of my guys, DJ Dove. He's so adorable, so me and Blair went to the DJ booth, said hello, were dancing, having fun.

Francois, the event director and my buddy, finally arrived, and we were chatting and then he got us VIP table and bottle service, all gratis. Yummy! Free bottle of Absolut with OJ, cranberry and tonic, as well as bottles of water and cans of RedBull. Then Paul, the OWNER, came over to me, we chatted, and he brought over a bucket of Syringe Shots. They're big plastic over-sized syringes filled with massive amounts of Kamikaze shots. Paul shot two down mythroat, and in my somewhat intoxicated and always flirtatious state, I told him he didn't have to shoot just the shots down my throat. He laughed and gave me a hug. We're talking about a gorgeous blonde man here, people! Then he gave us a bottle of champagne with strawberries and chocolates.... Good god, were we hooked up! Everyone was thanking me so much for everything. What can I say -- I got some good perks.

Had a callback interview for the Apprentice Saturday morning. Was told at 6:30pm on Friday. OY. I got home around 4ish, fell asleep by 4:30ish, woke up at 7am to shower (still drunk) and went to Trump Towers for this group exercise thing for 8am. Then I came home, slept a bit, and met John at the Metropolitan Museum of Art at 4ish. We walked around looked at sculpture, art, talked, had a good time. He's a sweetheart, and I like spending time with him. He plays in a softball league, and he has a game today in Central Park, so I'm going to go watch.

I spent the rest of Saturday making dinner, then watching tv and chatting online and on the phone. Bashir called me and we talked for a bit. Then I spoke with Alyse, and my mom. Went to sleep around 3ish.

So, now, I'm going to go get dressed and go to the gym, then get my hair cut. It needs it, it's sooooo shaggy.

I'll try to update this more often.

Robyn x

I haven't written in this in a while. I've been writing in a real journal - red leather-bound with my initials on it. Anyway...

Things never really work out the way I plan. I guess that's the story of my life. I had a good job with ADADC, but it didn't turn into a full-time gig, so I'm headed back to Long Island, against my will. There just aren't any opportunities up here for me, so I have to do something and live somewhere.

On the social-life front, things are pretty shitty too. Mike used me for sex, but was kind enough to tell me that's what he did. Josh thought we were moving too fast, and was still in love with his ex-girlfriend. Steven kind of attacked me, sexually, in my living room, at which point I kicked him out. Bryce, well, he's another story, and I just don't have the energy to talk about him. Then there's Matt, who I feel this really strong connection with. I can't explain it. He's like no one I've ever met. And of course, it figures I'm going to LI in two weeks. Fan-dang-tastic.

I've recently come to the realization that I want to be in a relationship. I've had moments when I've thought about it, but I've realized that I'm only deluding myself by casually dating. I don't just want hooking up and sex -- I want it to mean something, I want it to be more than a one-night stand or repeat offender. I look at so many people who are in serious relationships, engaged or married, and they're all so happy. Why can't I find that happiness?

Had a discussion with Shaun today. He's going to be my gym buddy when I go back to LI. I figure, if I don't have a job, and I don't have a boyfriend, what else is there to occupy my time? I'll join a gym and work out and feel better about my body at least.

I think the only other time I've felt this low was when I hit rock-bottom in high school. And that was not a good experience. I know I have to do something to off-set this, but nothing is making me happy. Couple that with the fact that I reverted to an old crutch of mine - cookies. I've been eating all day, and I feel so wretched.

I know that bad things happen in 3s, but does each group of 3 have to happen at once? Job, lovelife, home. So, nothing else bad can happen, right? Bite my tongue. My luck, I'll get hit by a car or something. At least if that happened, I wouldn't have to search for a job for a while. Being unemployed sucks. Majorly. I wish I could be like the spoiled bitches I graduated with, whose daddies and mommies got them jobs delivered to them on a silver platter. But I work for my connections, I earn what I get. But apparently, I'm not earning much.

On a good note, I sold a story to Cosmo. That's exciting. At least I know I'll have some money coming in. Also, I'm applying for a job at OCC in their PR Department. Hey, it's a job, and it has benefits. Argh. I know I won't get the dream job, but I know what I want. I just don't know how to go about getting it.

That's about it... back to feeling sorry for myself.

Tonight I went to the Senior Celebration with John. It was lame. But at least we were able to get some beer and champagne, albeit shitty beer and shittier champagne. We met up with Amy, who was in my Sign Language class last semester. After about an hour or so there, and running into all the bitches from freshman year who I don't give two shits about, we decided to grab some food and head to Charades.

As we walk out, Amy asks about this girl and I said "Oh, Emilia?" And Amy said "THAT'S her name? I've been wondering for 4 years." I also find out that Amy is bi, but leans toward the men a bit more. It's all cool. We're all greedy bitches, aren't we?

So, we go to Charades. It was kinda empty, but filled up with more people we knew after a little while. Then, this cunt Colleen, who had basically begged me to come to Charades this whole year, dances with me and then after a few seconds walks away. What a fucking cunt. Who DOES THAT? Good thing she looks like a 12 year old boy - my minimum age requirement is 20. None of this "old enough to pee" ideology.

Then, this guy Chris from my PR classes comes in. I was like "WHAT are YOU doing HERE?" he's straight for all I know. He then tells me he's been here before, and that "I used to be gay... although I think sometimes I still am. But I dig chicks too." Unreal. We danced a bit together, talked... He's not the asshole I thought he was from class. He's going to sit with me at graduation, we decided. He's got a job doing PR for some baseball team -- he made it bigtime.

Funny the things we find out the last few days, huh? All of these new gays, then guys I thought were gay are straight... it's just ridiculous. I need a break.

Oh, but the family comes tomorrow. No break for me. :-)

Date:	2003-05-07 20:49
Subject:	A Good Day
Security:	Public
Mood:	giddy
Music:	Bring Me To Life - Evanescence

Started out a decent day, working for TFal, or "the pots and pans" as Chris says in his disappearing/reappearing Boston accent. After that, I did some packing, not really. Went and picked up my souvenir tassel. Took Emalie out to dinner at Chili's, so we could talk and vent and overanalyze. Everytime I talk with her, it makes me realize just how much I love her and how I'm glad we became friends.

After dinner, we stopped so I could get gas in the Silver Bullet, and I bought some scratch-offs. I won $40 on a Win For Life!!!!! So, dinner was free. :-)

Oh, spoke with Andrew last night, and was told "You're coming to Vegas for New Year's." Then he said that the hotel room he wanted was $460 a night, WITH his phenomenal connections. He failed to tell me it was for a room at the BELLAGIO, you know the hotel George Clooney and Brad Pitt steal from in Ocean's Eleven? That one. Andrew is taking care of the hotel though, and he's like "I can't afford 4 nights at $460 a night, so we're going cheaper." Unreal. I love my friends. Unfortunately, New Year's Eve is a Wednesday night, which means I'd have to fly out either Wednesday morning or late Tuesday night, and then hope that my job gives us a 3 day weekend because New Year's Day is on a Thursday. Oy. This is so difficult because I'm now an adult and in the real world. Sigh.

Alright, back to packing my shit... just had to share the news about the $40!!! And one of the other scratch offs was a Loose Change, where you have to make enough cents to equal one dollar. Emalie scratched it and was 3 cents away from winning us $500!!! On my $40 ticket, I also had two $2,500 symbols. If I had won that, I think I'd have shit my pants. :-)

Yep, that's what I have. The feeling you get after you pick up your cap and gown, take your last final, finalize graduation plans with friends and family, realize you have to start that new job in the field you majored in for 4 years. The feeling that even though you've had amazing experiences and met tons fo people, some awesome, some assholes, you've still missed out on something, somehow. The feeling that all you want to do is cry when you start thinking about packing your apartment and moving on with your life.

I've cried so much over the past few days, it's a wonder I'm not in the hospital suffering from dehydration. Example: I started crying to Lindsay in the car on the way back from Wegmans. Then, when I tried taking photos off my wall, I got 3 down before the waterworks started to flow. I went for a drive with this really awesome guy, who said all the right things and just let me blabber on and on, and I cried like it was going out of style.

Last night was the first time in a few days that I was able to smile and listen to music that doesn't make everyone want to commit suicide. Nothing makes you feel better than listening to "Get Busy" by Sean Paul.

Yeah, I've been having really bad mood swings lately. Hooray for birth control and the estrogen being pumped artificially into my body. Woo-fucking-hoo.

Today, I woke up with a really puffy eye. I have no idea why this happened. My right eye was swollen and it hurt. So I went upstairs, rinsed it with saline solution, then got a cold compress to put on it. I hada headahe too, but was more worried about my freakin' eye, so I just went back to sleep on the couch.

Yeah, I've been sleeping on the couch for the past few days. Maybe it's been a week or two. Who knows. I haven't been able to sleep unless i have background noise, so I've been falling asleep to either TBS, A&E, My Big Fat Greek Wedding or Good Morning Vietnam. All good choices, let me tell you.

Went to see XMen 2 yesterday. I really liked it. At the end, Lindsay wasn't sure if she liked it. You know, I don't get people like that. You just sat through 2 hours and 15 minutes of a movie, and you don't have an opinion of it? In my mind, if you're "not sure" if you like it or not, that's a pretty good sign that you don't like it. But then again, Linds doesn't like a whole lot of movies. She prefers "films." I go to the movies to be entertained. I want to laugh, cry, be scared or be in suspense. By the way, anyone hear anything about the next James Patterson novel to be made into a movie? I heard it was Jack & Jill. Someone find out for me, ok?

So, after I woke up the second time, around 4pm, I set out to study, kind of. Couldn't find Jeremy to get Andy's notes. So I opened my comm law book and read. I read about 45 pages. It's like reading Encyclopedia Britannica. Then I took Advil because lo and behold, my headache got worse. I took a break, went to get gas in the ghetto-cruiser, and stopped at Liquor Square to get boxes to pack some shit in. They're free there! Woohoo! Ok, so they're kinda small, but I can put movies, books and desk supplies in there. I may be forced to buy a few larger boxes though, for my printer and dishes and such. Eww.

Came home, did some dishes, I think I ate something, not sure. I called Robin, met up with her at Kinkos to copy her notes. Her's are really good and readable. Yay. Then I went home, and Linds and I went to Goldstein to get onions and peppers to make quesadillas. We also got jalapenos. Mmm. After a great dinner, I read some of the notes, then just tooled around on the computer.

My sociology professor STILL has not gotten back to me. Arrgh. This doesn't make me a happy Robyn.
Damn old people, or as my mom calls them FOPs - Fucking Old Persons.

Spoke with mom today. She's been sad at work the past few days, because they're closing up the office, and they boxed up all their files, and some lady is buying all their huge filing cabinets and taking them away on Monday. And the office waiting room furniture is being shipped to Florida to Murray's house on Sanibel Island. The place will be empty soon. My mom got all nostalgic, because as she's looking at the files she's boxing up, she remembers all of her clients and their cases and different nuances about each of them. It has to be a sad time. I'm doing the same thing when I look at pictures from college, remembering when each photo was taken, and why.

Got kinda huffy tonight because people complained to me that they were bored and wanted to do things, so when I find something for us to do, no one wants to do it. Well, I wasn't going to be shitted on, so I went driving. Drove for about an hour. Ended up in Mycenae. I have no idea, but going east ont eh road the speed limit was 45, going west was 55. It confused the hell out of me. I saw something in the road ahead of me at one point, and it looked like a bloody bone. I pulled over to the side of the road, got out and looked at it. It WAS a bloody bone!!! I don't know if it was an animal or a human, because, well, do I look like Dr. Green or Corday from ER? So I left, skeeved out, and drove back.

Oh, spoke with emalie almost my whole drive. I love her. She listened to me vent and bitch and piss and moan. And she also told me not to let the small things get me down. Best advice ever. I love you, Em.

Got home, made some food to eat. Didn't really bother being quiet. Once Linds is asleep, she's out. Then I came upstairs, talked online with some people. Found out from a friend that the bastard's girlfriend is 4 months pregnant, and they're getting married. "The Bastard" is not my friend, it's the guy who has been referred to in previous entries as HIM. Don'tknow if this information is completely factual, but if it is, I'll be damned. God save that kid. The bastard can barely take care of himself. He's hardly responsible enough for his own person, I'd hate to have him as a father.

Wrote a few LiveJournals. Now I'm writing this one. I'm gonna head to bed now... tomorrow's gonna be a loooooooong day followed by a fantastic Hermes party. :-)

Well, the year started out amazingly. I was living in an apartment with Lindsay, Emalie and Andrew were here, as well as Eric, Nick, Kate, everyone.

Then I cut my ties with Courtney as a friend. Can you tell I'm really upset? Note the sacasm.

First semester was kinda blah. Second semester, well, it was awesome. Except that Andrew, Kate and Nick weren't here - they were in Florence, D.C. and London, respectively.

I spent a lot of time this semester getting to know Ray and Seth. They're great people. I love them and respect them a lot. I also got closer with some PR classmates, Melissa and Robin. Was never really friends with people in PR with me - the PR department is tres competitive.

Hit up bars on Marshall Street - particularly Faegans and Darwins. After an issue/fallout/drama with HIM, who works at Faegans, stopped going there for a bit. Since the end of March, I've only been there once. Darwins is more fun anyway, because you can dance there.

Worst part of this semester: the damn rumors going around about me. They're called "rumors" for a reason. The best one that's really a kicker: I'm lonely because I have HIV. Well, if this is "lonely," I'd hate to not be "lonely." And no, I don't have HIV - I'm safe and not a junkie. And I'm definitely not lonely. I'm also not the one who impregnated his girlfriend four months ago and is now marrying her. What a loser.

Got a job! Gonna be working at the American Dairy Association & Dairy Council! Woohoo!

Did a lot of senior things, including Senioritis. Ewwww. It messes up everything. All you want to do is sleep, watch tv, and go out and party.

Met a nice guy named Matt. He's older. But unlike other guys I tend to meet, he's intelligent, has a job/career, went to college, and isn't an ass. I'm not really looking for anything right now. Just some goodtimes. I'm only 21, soon to be 22, for God's sake!

Although many people my age are getting married or are engaged. Oy. I can't think about that right now, it makes me crazy.

It was a great year. I'm sad to see my college years end. But since I'll still be in Syracuse, at least I can live vicariously through my friends who are still in college. And I'll still be able to buy those discount movie passes. ;-)

This won't be written in small phrases. This will be more like an actual journal entry, because this was, by far, my best year in terms of finding out who I am, friends, family, etc.

I lived in a 4-person suite with 3 of my sorority sisters. Then one left the sorority, then another, and in February, I left too. More on this later.

I hung out a lot with Andrew and Emalie, whom I no longer hated, I adored! This whole year, we got really really close. Courtney had moved out of their two-person suite to be a RA, and the whole chemistry of our 4some was thrown off. Courtney was spending more and more time with her residents, and less and less time with us, her friends. This continued the whole year.

I became closer with Eric, and then Nick. This was the year that Andy and Pat broke up, and then Pat became a RA in Brewster/Boland. Andy introduced me to Chris, who became a great friend of mine. And of course, the best thing to happen this year was Kate. She lived on my floor, and at a floor meeting, we realized we had a lot in common!!! Phrase of the year: It takes a lot of paint to look like Kate. :-)

Started drifting apart from my roommates. We weren't at the same places in our lives. Rose and Sanetra and I became closer. Had some fights with the roommates. I've never been a roommate person. Everyone thought I was destined for a life of solitude.

I started writing for Hermes. After my sorority tried to deny my First Amendment rights, and among other issues I do not wish to go into, I decided to leave the sorority. It was a good experience, because it made me realize I wasn't missing out on much with greek life. I thought I had made some great friends, but after I left, they stopped talking with me. I guess it's true: you ARE paying for friends.

Oddly enough, I report about the greek community for Hermes, which is a greek life newspaper. I grew to Head Writer, and I had a fantastic cover story about Gay Greeks. www.OnlineHermes.com check it out.

I grew so much this year, and I realized that for the past few years, I'd been living a lie. I wasn't being true to myself. People say that college is all about finding yourself. It's true. If I had kept playing this game, I'd be the same wallflower I was in high school.

The summer after junior year found me taking two online courses and simultaneously working for a production company, where I planned and promoted parties at different nightclubs and bars. I made a lot of money, and met a lot of cool and important people, including a bunch of record company execs. And of course, DJ Joey. Oy. Biggest mistake of my life. But it made me realize I was just attracted to his looks, and I need something more than that. Also, I don't want to be with someone who places more importance on his tanning sessions than spending time with me.

That summer also put me in touch with Lindsay, who pulled me in to the South Campus apartment she had squatted but her roommate had walked out of. After much debate, I figured I'd try the roommate thing one last time.

Senior year, dead ahead.

Living in a single... still friends with Mark... made new friends with Andrew, Courtney, Amanda, Mary, Erin, Erin, Alisa, Makeup Andy, Pat, a whole bunch of others... only kept Andrew, Courtney, Andy and Pat by the end of the year.... fights with people because of my self esteem issues.... Chris dying... becoming friends with Mike, aka Klepto, and rocking' out to Eve 6 "Inside Out" which is forever our song... Dennys.... B'Ville Diner... the Incident with the Pole in the Lawrinson Garage, the beginning of the end for the Silver Bullet.... Rumors that suck.... Sadler ALIVE, then leaving it for dead.... Deciding to minor instead of dual major in spanish.... GRA 217, where I met lindsay and dan, yay!....First Year Semi Formal committee, going with orange hair.... my cousin's wedding.... lots of depression and feeling alone.... met Emalie, hated her for stealing Courtney from me, but wait until Junior Year....

Roommate from hell...becoming friends with Mark...Sadler 8...Newhouse issues...the HookUp contest...making friends with people i don't care about and never see anymore...Sadler ALIVE and writing the bid that won us Hall Council of the Year and something else Of the Year...getting rejected from being a RA...having mono... piggyback rides while drunk with Mark... ramen... hating my roommate's friends... the Track Team, enough said... Vinnie, ugh... threesomes and then seeing those people everywhere... getting a single for the following year... chopping off my hair... First Year Semi Formal... too much going to the Country Club... having SU Taxi stand up me, Kristen and Katie at the Country Club, so we got a ride from a cop to a gas station so we could call a taxi... deciding to dual major in spanish, getting accepted for it....

That's all from freshman year. It was my worst year, by far.

It was a pretty lowkey day... okay, it wasn't. Getting drenched in the flash downpour while running to Wegmans from Mike's truck (Sanctuary!!!), bumping into Prof. Kucharavy while completely soaked and bedraggled, StorAmerica being dicks. I came home and decided to nap while watching Scooby-Doo, the movie. I didn't like it at first, but I'm beginning to like it. Unfortunately, I always see it from the same part, so I have no idea how it starts.

I wake up, get some grub from Goldstein. Then, as I'm playing Suzie Homemaker and washing the abundance of dirty dishes, Rose calls me, asks me to go out with her, San, Steve and Andy. I have no dough, but then they asked if I'd take them downtown, they'd pay me. Taxis for some reason were impossible to get tonight. So I said sure, $10 roundtrip. Not bad, eh? I take them downtown to Fuel. As I pull into my apartment, they call me. They couldn't get in, and everywhere else they wanted to go was closed. It was 12:30, not even! What the hell!?!

I picked them up, and we went to Charades. I decided to stay, since I hadn't been there in a while. I saw everyone I know, as usual. I think that's a reason I don't like going there anymore. Everyone is in everyone else's business. We left when they closed, and we were invited to an after party, so we went. On the way to my apartment so I could change my shirt, Andy asked me if I knew everyone there, and i said "yeah, pretty much" and he said "Wow, you're so popular." I guess I am, but it basically means that everyone is up in my shit, which is not really a good thing. Funny, I was thinking about how un-popular I was in high school, and how I tried to fade into the background, yet here, it's completely opposite.

Everyone was all loud and drunk (except me) and talking. The best line was from San: "Robyn, if I was rich I'd give you a million dollars right now." It was said in the context of how cool I was for driving them or something. San and Steve kept thinking I was mad at them because they were loud and drunk, or something like that. And Andy kept saying "I'm trying to be good." It was funny. And since I know he's going to read this probably, he's a cutie. I didn't really notice it last year, but he is a cutie. A little too skinny for me - I'd snap him like a twig. ;-)

OH! Random! Andy is in Linds' history class! Isn't that Veird?

Went to Ryan's afterparty, had a good time. I bonded with Michael Guiou, and i knew almost everyone there. I knew everyone by face, but two people I didn't know by name.

All in all, it was a good night. I'm really glad they made me go out, and I didn't sit in doing the dishes all night. I've been kinda depressed and in a funk lately, and this was definitely what I needed. Thanks so much guys!

Date:	2003-04-30 02:31
Subject:	Sara Won Me A Cock!
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired
Music:	Acoustic Version of Running Away - Hoobastank

Unlike Nick's LiveJournal entries, "cock" does NOT refer to Syracuse's Hancock Airport. It refers to the stuffed Foghorn Leghorn, the Looney Tunes rooster, that Sara, Lindsay's sister, won for me from the claw machine at Dennys! YAY!

So, classes are over. FOREVER. It hasn't really sunk in yet. I have one more final, Comm Law, on Monday night. But for now, there are a lot of things to look forward to, including:

- Last Editorial Board meeting
- "Best Of" tabulating
- Packing (uggh)
- Partying it up this Friday night with Jenny, Jason, Brandy and possibly J.J.
- Hermes end-of-the-year party on Sunday
- Working twice more, once at Williams-Sonoma, once at Kaufmann's
- Senior Celebration
- Last few times with some friends for awhile.....

That's about it for now... I'm going to catch up on the sleep I haven't had the past few days. But this upcoming week, I'll be posting memories by year, so get ready for 4 new posts!

Date:	2003-04-28 00:13
Subject:	Coming Down to the Wire
Security:	Public
Mood:	stressed
Music:	Linds talking on the phone with Carolyn

T minus 2 days. Classes end Tuesday. Ugggh. I'm having a fight with a professor, who hasn't seen my last 12 or so postings for my online class, and out of the goodness of his heart wants to give me a D instead of a F. Riiiiiiight. I'm up to my ears in Spanish. At least cooking is over, and Comm Law isn't until next Monday. I have a breakfast meeting with Justin, hooray free breakfast at Cosmos, and then more work. Tuesday I have class at 1pm, then breakfast with a certain SA President, and then I'M DONE!!! How exciting.

Last night at Denny's, I had a heart-to-heart with Mike. We haven't been out to Denny's, just the two of us, in a while. It was like old times. It was great, actually. I realized, THOSE are the moments that make college what they are. Not the classes, exams and papers. The trips to Denny's at 1:30am, after doing work until your eyes are bleary and want to pop out of your head. Since mine are feeling that way now, I think I'll take out my contacts, settle in with my cup of Cafe Verona and do some more Spanish.

Later this week I'll post the "looking back over my four years and having a slight breakdown" entry.

Date:	2003-04-25 14:48
Subject:	Wow, people really suck
Security:	Public
Mood:	pissed off
Music:	Click Click Boom - Saliva

Last night was interesting... did some illicit things with Dan, then made Linds go out to the bars. We ended up never even being able to get in Darwins because the line was so long and the place was packed. Saw Mike, he gave me a hug and I told him about my job. Tres Exciting. Linds and I came home after hitting up Kimmel, and then Boogie came over and we chilled for a bit, watching the Timberwolves game. We went next door to Jeremy's, were there for all about 20 minutes because, well, it was just a weird vibe.

Today, I had a fantastic conversation with that kid Adam, who again tells me I lie, that I probably AM HIV positive, all this shit. Riiiiiiiiight. Thanks for slandering me, buddy. Much love. And he keeps changing his story, from what he tells me about himself... so who's the fucking liar now, huh? He lied to me about how he got my screenname, changing it from a frat brother in Psi U to one in Psi Psi. News flash: I only know one guy in Psi Psi, and since I kinda stalked him and he never really "knew" me, I don't think it was him. Then, this kid finally tells me that this kid Matt gave him my screenname, and I'm like "who" and the guy he described was the heroin addict, Marty. Great. Some people are so fucked up, it's ridiculous. Besides, what would a 27 year-old be doing trying to get with a college girl? Obviously he doesn't have much to offer women his own age, or close to it. Oh wait -- this guy could be lying about that too... he's probably like 15 or something.

By the way, who sends a picture of their cock through IM? I showed Linds, and it had to be the thinnest penis I've ever seen.

The absolute worst was when this kid brought up the name of someone I've been with. I froze. I literally froze. What the hell? I didn't deny it, because, well, it happened, but also, with this motherfucker, denying that things happen or denying that things are true or false only makes him believe the other side of it. Like Emalie told me, "Never explain yourself - your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe it." How true, Em.

So now I'm sitting her, trying to do work, but still thinking about this bullshit. As well as other bullshit. My mom called me today, and I'm going to be working at closing her law office after graduation to help her out and earn a few hundred bucks. I cold use the money for rent, so that's a plus.

Alright, I guess I should go and do something. It's about 3pm, and I need to accomplish massive amounts of work by the time we go out to Tropix tonight. Oh yeah, and Carmelo Anthony is going to the NBA. As if we didn't already know that.

Date:	2003-04-23 16:35
Subject:	Assorted crapola
Security:	Public
Mood:	complacent
Music:	If You're Not the One - Daniel Bedingfield

This journal entry is just going to be a bunch of random lines. It's too hard to come up with coherent thoughts today.

I'm in a weird funk. I don't know what it is. But I've decided I want a new body, for health reasons.

I'vebeen talking with HIM again. Sigh. I want to be with him again. Lindsay, well, not quite sure what Lindsay thinks. I don't think she approves though. Knowing how I was hurt before, why should I go back? But I'm not looking for a relationship or anything... just fun times. You only live once, right?

Things with Matt seem to be going nowhere. Eh. I honestly am too much in a funk to really care.

Went to Rochester for Easter. Totally crushing hardcore on JJ. But as much as I have balls of steel, I'm a coward around him. Grr.

I got Seth's SU Final Four bong signed by Jeremy McNeil. Ray made it. It's pretty cool.

This guy Adam and I have been talking a lot. He tries to make me smile. It's just not working right now. He told me he thinks he's falling in love with me. That's not what I want to hear right now.

I just want someone to come over and hold me and rub my back, let me cry for no reason (hell, I've been doing that a lot lately anyway), makeme think just for a little while that everything in the world is fine, and that my life will be ok. I want to escape reality.

I have a rash from the adhesive on my birthcontrol patch. I think it might have latex in it, since I'm allergic to latex. So now I have a small red square on my stomach.

Talked with my mom last night, and almost broke down about how sick I am and everything wrong with me. But at least she made me smile, by cracking a cheap Jew joke: "If you find a place that sells new bodies, maybe we can get a Buy One Get One Free deal, or at least a 50% discount. I always look for a bargain - I AM a Jew!" Gotta love her.

Then I spoke with Aaron, and we again had a fight about what's wrong with me. Maybe I won't listen to him until he has his degree, another few weeks.

Alyse might come and visit me this weekend. I'm really busy, but I miss her so much and maybe she'll help me escape reality and we can have a great time. God bless best friends.

Finally finished the Hermes story... again, I think it's complete and utter crap. And right now, the NPHC and LGC fraternities and sororities are on my shit list, because they don't return phone calls or emails. Thank god for Rashid, who was able to give me the name and screenname of an Alpha down south. I really have no patience anymore for people. I started out really excited about this story, and then it just turned into the bane of my existence.

Well, time to get ready for the Rainbow Banquet. I was nominated for an award, so me and Linds are going. I have a cute outfit, but don't you know, it's the coldest it's been in the past two weeks. Whores, all of them.